Shocker, I'm sure.
After all, this entire blog is about love, longing and the stupid things I do on the path of finding it.
Texan boy turned out to be a creep. Surprise, surprise. I don't do well when I get a text message on New Years' Day declaring that he's slept with some random girl at a party. The best part is, he went into detail about how it was on the host's bed. So, that's fun.
I had a great NYE other than that piece of information. I made it out to my brother's house and hung out with both he and his wife for a few days.
But I'd been texting Angelboy (DA) the whole time.
Sometimes you meet someone who is breathtakingly attractive to you and it shuts you down entirely for a few minutes. That's DA.
I met him on Fetlife through a friend a while back and his pictures made me drool. He wasn't just cute, he was gorgeous and a half. Two seconds after messaging him, his girlfriend messaged me to tell me that I needed to not hit on her boyfriend. Whoops. Said girlfriend happened to be a friend of mine at the time. I didn't know her business! She gave me the go ahead for DA and I to be friends, but I reigned myself in harder than I knew I could.
Fastforward to December. I've just had my heart broken in rapid succession by both Coast Guard and the Texan. I'm collapsed into a little emotional ball by self doubt, etc. I get online to message a friend, and thanks to the wonder that is Adium messaging, I accidentally click DA on my friends list. God (or as he believes, the Goddess) must have intervened, because I didn't pay attention to who I was messaging. DA received the "ohai" that was intended for someone else. And instead of ignoring me, as we hadn't spoken in months, he responded with a friendly hello back and asked how I was. Little did I know how broken DA was. Little did I know that he had just gone through something just as heart wrenching. I apologized quickly for bothering him, and asked how he was. The story of our mutual friend and his breakup came tumbling out. He never bashed her, never said anything cruel or hurtful. Instead he described a difficult time and her decision to move on to someone else.
I could feel DA's agony through a tiny little IM screen, but honestly there was nothing I could do. After all, he was in SD and I was up here. So we chatted. He asked if I had a Facebook page, and we added each other. He was prettier than I remembered. His pictures displayed the gorgeous forrest green of his eyes, the small flecks of gold around his irises. His slender frame was perfectly proportioned to my liking, and I could tell that his hips bones would be sharp and angular. I have a thing for hipbones. His jawline was strong, and his cheekbones high and perfect. My heart pounded in my chest. He told me I was quite beautiful, and I did a doubletake on IM.
Soon we were texting each other. Then phone calls. Then video chat.
For his birthday, beginning of January, I asked if I could take him out to dinner. I drove to SD and sat in front of his apartment complex for about 5 minutes. Part of it was the drive, part of it was the excitement in my stomach. The weird thing is, I wasn't nervous. I was excited and relieved, as if I was coming home to someone I'd known forever.
He was standing outside of his apartment waiting for me. DA was more beautiful in person than I could of imagined. He'd outlined his eyes with eyeliner, making them pop just a little more. His hair was pulled back, showing off those cheekbones. He'd dressed well, but to his goth style (which I love, by the way). I wore my red and black lace dress, a sweater over my arms, and a pair of tennis shoes with skulls on them. We looked like we belonged together.
DA looked me directly in the eye and I froze. He has a sincerity about him that I think will always make me pause. It's not something you get from boys in Orange County. It's a look that says "I can see all the way down to your soul and I understand." Let's just say it was a little off putting at first. We hugged and ran upstairs to grab a few things before heading out to dinner.
The first time he kissed me was in the doorway to his bedroom. It was not exactly planned. Part of me didn't know where this was going, but the rest of me was ready for it. Actually the rest of me was screaming "this is what you're looking for, you crazy girl!" His lips pressed mine perfectly, soft and sweet. He and and leaned up against the doorway, his body right up against mine. We seemed to move together perfectly. And then I held my hand up. We were both panting.
"We need to go to leave, now," I said, my voice shaky and uncertain. "Or we aren't leaving."
"You're right, we need to go," he said, smirking. His eyes met mine, and my brain went blank entirely. It was only when he broke the gaze and moved out of the doorway that my brain went back on.
We drove to Ocean Beach. For those who have never heard of it, the place is a bizarre blend of tourism and homelessness. People sneak out to the Sunset Cliffs to smoke weed or camp out for the night. DA and I walked around briefly, looking at a very strange shop, and then headed out for the cliffs. Looking back, a dress was not a good plan. However, I was safe.
The rocks were slippery, but DA made sure to always have his hands out to catch me. He would test the rocks first and then position himself so that if I tripped, I would be safe. We looked at the carvings in the rocks; various names, declarations of love for bands long since broken up, and a large collection of swears.
We passed a group of guys, dressed as if their only purpose was to get warm amidst the freezing cold moist air coming off the ocean. The reeked of weed, but smiled all the same. One yelled to a girl nearby "don't worry, I'll catch you if you fall." DA and I smirked and kept on walking, making sure to nod out heads to the gentleman for politeness sake. As we walked DA told me about how one of his best friends and he came here to swim and sun bathe. The path washed away at some point, leaving us with no where to go, but out on the cliff face in front of us.
DA and I walked towards the edge and looked down, He took my hand and we stared out at the ocean, watching the sun as it slowly began it's decent. I looked up and him and he smiled back. We kissed, his hands caressing my face, thumbs rubbing my cheeks softly. My hair whipped around us in the wind. I've always wanted this moment. Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted the "cliff kiss". This is the kiss in love stories where you know everything is going to be okay. You stand with your hair blowing in the breeze, his lips against yours, and you know that you are totally in love. I fell in love with him in that moment.
We walked back from the cliff, paused to kiss, paused to talk. We laughed and passed the stoners again. I told them "look, I didn't even fall." The eldest stoner smiled and said, "well, if you start to, I'm sure your boyfriend will catch you." DA did not correct them. Instead he just smiled.
We went to dinner and the waiter commented on how blue my eyes were. Evidently my eyes get unearthly blue when I'm happy. DA and I held hands at dinner, shared bites of food, laughed about of childhoods. We got serious a few times, but always found a reason to keep smiling at each other.
We left the restaurant and went to his apartment. Two hours back seemed a long drive. We kissed, and yes...I spent the night.
DA asked me to be his girlfriend two days after that night. Three days later he told me he loved me. The situation is intense and sudden, but it doesn't feel wrong. I haven't felt this way since my first love, and even then the comparison is unfair. He is the first person who has ever been able to just look at me and calm my thoughts. He is patient and calm with me when I am depressed. He constantly finds ways to touch me on our weekends together. It seems as if obstacles of time and location fall away when we need to be with each other. I haven't been this happy in a long time.
I guess my mom's wish on a pig at Christmas really worked.
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