Date Ban: Or Why I Like Hurting Myself

I have imposed for myself a Date Ban. We will see how long this goes.

I'm not well known for keeping my self-imposed bans. Here is a short list of the Bans I've failed:

1. Diet Coke
Length Ban Lasted: 2 Months
For two months, I worked out, looked great and refused to drink the carcinogen I love with all my tiny little heart. That was of course until things started to go south. People went crazy; my relationship fell apart; weight loss wasn't working so good...so Diet Coke, I came back to you. This time in smaller doses. Our relationship will never be as strong, as trusting, or as good, but I keep Diet Coke around for those late night conversations and crises. Your silver can keeps me cool in the summer and dehydrated in the winter.

2. Facebook/Twitter
Length Ban Lasted: 8 Hours
Truth be told, I am an attention whore. While I act shy, sit in the corner, let other people talk...etc, I love being the center of attention. Facebook and Twitter allow me to pretend that this is so. For five seconds I am a start when someone responds to me: @studyinscarlet You're so funny.
I literally smile, dance around my seat, enjoy life...etc. Its when there are no responses that I get despondent, grumpy and frustrated. In an attempt to learn humility, I tried to avoid Facebook and Twitter for an entire day. I told myself that it was not worth anyone else reading. No one wanted to know what I was thinking. This is a valid point. However, the little screaming attention whore in me leaped forward and began to send text alerts to my Twitter...from Disneyland, with my friend.

3. Coast Guard:
Length Ban Lasted: 25 Minutes
This is my current agony. Coast Guard, a dear friend and one time random drunken make out session, has become sort of a focal point in my life. While I know he is not good for me, that we're completely wrong for each other and that us dating would lead to an implosion of our friendship and the friendships of those around us....I'm sort of kind of in love with him. My ban included texting, calling, hanging out or generally being anywhere near Coast Guard. Said self-imposed ban on him seems to end every time he:
A) randomly shows up to my karaoke hangout
B) Is randomly at our mutual best friend's house
C) Is currently helping said best friend with my birthday party
D) Comes over to hang out and stays for 4 hours
E) Runs into me with target not 30 minutes after reenacting said ban. I will get over this...when he moves in two months

Which comes to the recent decision not to date for a while. Here are some perks:
1) I don't have to buy an expensive gift for him for Christmas
2) A little less heartache
3) I can spread out across my whole bed when I sleep
4) I can leave my room as messy as I like because I don't have to impress anyone
5) Rewatching the same episode of Venture Bros or listening to the same song 10 times in a row doesn't annoy anyone but me
6) I get to test the theory of "when you stop looking that's when it finds you" that my friends are so keen on
7) Statistically, I am more funny when I'm not dating someone.
8) Hermits have that cool mystical aura about them
9) Masturbation does not lead to possible STDs or babies
10) I am perceived as a threat by all my married female friends

Let the games begin